The Auspicious Athens, Georgia. Chapter 3: The Waffle House Finale.

¿Waffle House?

¿Why Waffle House?

This place goes against all my convictions of health food and restaurant hygiene, yet I can’t seem to stop eating here every 2 weeks or so. There’s something about the no frills attitude of “this is us and we don’t care” that just feels….honest? ¿Is that why i’m here writing the final summation of my Athens, Georgia experience? ¿Because this sub-par 24-hour diner is like a B movie that has become sentient? You know, those movies that are terrible but they rock what they got. (Sharknado, The Room, Killer Clowns from Outer Space). If Waffle House was a movie, it’d deserve a spot among the greatest-worst ones of all time. The monsterous food-chains of today spend BILLIONS of dollars annually on advertising to make their sandwiches look like a plumped up, satiating stack of food-pornography. Yet Waffle House does nothing. Literally. I don’t think they even clean the tables.

*sips coffee with Grade A hemogenized “pure-dairy” half n’ half*

¡So THATS WHY i’m here dammit!…Because i support their philosophy, not their food!

… Who am i kidding, i need to find a better breakfast vice. This caffeine and stomach-full of processed carbs will be the end of me. Yet, within this microcosm of endearingly bitchy employees, sticky tables and carbs, i have a place of zen. So let’s roll with it. ATHENS, GEORGIA! Our time came and went too fast, my love. I barely got to know thee, but somehow, it’s like we already met. Your welcoming embrace within our first days could easily be grown into a lifetime. For within thy heart of hearts, i know your region to possess a power of which other towns only reach for. Your rolling hills, lush flora, and communal magnetism are accents upon the musicians you birth. Within your eyes doth percieve un most holy of abstractions! Thy cannot encroach upon thouest most divine precipice! THOU ART THY MOST UNBRIDLED OF… *wildly flails arms in a grandiose gesture, spilling coffee on crotch* !GOOD LORD, THY MAN MEAT HAS BEEN BURNTETH!

Shit. ¿What was i saying?

Athens rocked. The community was incredible. Asheville, here i come.