The Ohio Wormhole

3 weeks, a bunch of open-mics, and a couple states later, i’m in Ohio. Something seriously tweaked inside me while in Asheville. This whole trip has been incredible so far, personally, spiritually and musically. However, a deep, DEEP longing for a sense of grounding made itself viciously apparent during my last 2 weeks in North Carolina. So, i’m back in Ohio, seeing family & close friends and my mood has been climbing ever since. I’m currently sitting in a Columbus food establishment eating an over-priced veggie burger and sipping coffee as the rain sprinkles onto the ever growing contrast of black pavement. According to the weather wizards, we’ve only got 8 or more days of this! Woohoo! Fitting… As soon as I return to the midwest, it reminds me why I always leave…..Though, apparently its like this all over the Eastern U.S, so I’m just bitching about Ohio at this point… Its too easy.

The real question on my mind is this. Where am I going after the Columbus, Ohio chapter of my journey? I’ve lost interest in traveling north to Ithaca, NY and Burlington, VT. I don’t know, it just seems….too far away. I’d be spreading myself thin just to fulfill the pride in saying I “accomplished” the road trip. If there’s one thing my years of road-trippin’ have taught me, its that the trip always has a plan of its own. That, and the creeping sense of financial oblivion have started to steer my journey elsewhere. My 3 options are:

Settle in Ohio for a season or 2…..eww

Continue the trip and say fuck it.

Go back to Asheville, NC for a season.

lets see what happens. *shakes dice in hands*

Asheville, North Carolina. Chapter 2: Synchronicity

syn·chro·nic·i·ty - noun - The simultaneous occurrence of events which appear significantly related but have no discernible causal connection.

I’ve been encountering this a lot during my travels and it’s making me question my understanding of reality. It’s not until now, i feel i will correctly verbalize it. There’s been a signigicant amount of occurrences where i’ve had a thought or experience then something immediatly occurs related to it. It’s as if my brain/body is picking up on a sense that felt previously dormant. The more it happens, the more i understand how to interpret good omens. Some people will immediatly brush this off as bullshit. Some will tell me which crystals i should wear around my neck to strengthen my vibrations. I like to think i fall somewhere in the middle of those two. The fact i’ve been meditating within a space of “feeling” and NOT thinking every morning has got to be part of it. I let the focus of my attention drift toward sensing, NOT thoughts. If a thought occurs, i just let it pass by like a drifting cloud. So what I’m saying is i’m a wizard now haha. nah. But there is something quite peculiar about my perception of time/events that i’ve been tapping into. As i’ve said before, i’ve been mentally and physically healthier living out of a car than i ever did working some stupid job and being part of the rat race. The amount of freedom i have to pursue my goals and the low-stress lifestyle of it all is something i wish everyone could experience.

*Points at moon with gleaming sword*

Society WAS the cause of SO MUCH of my depression, unhealthy habits and negative lifestyles. AND i’ve finally reached a level of maturity in which i can honestly say it WAS my environment. “There’s no cure for an unhealthy individual if they live in a truly sick society” So leave. Don’t do what you think the world needs. Do what you love, because what the world needs is more people doing what they love. Throw society’s norms out the window, sacrifice that which doesn’t serve you and be a gleaming example of what it means to be human.

Asheville, North Carolina. Chapter 1: Bohemian

There’s something about being surrounded by mountains that feels…safe. As if i’m being cradled by their awe-inspiring size. Everytime i’m in one of the elevated parts of town, i just start to smile.


I mean, c’mon. Here’s the view from a grocery store parking lot.


I’ve been utilizing couchsurfing,com again (fantastic website of travelers and hosts) for the first couple days in each town. That way i’m comfortably broken-in before starting the car-life. This time i stayed with my friend John, a great photographer who was actually my first ever couchsurfing host over 3 years ago. John works with local Asheville artists, is the official photographer for the band “The Outlaws” and most recently, The Rolling Stones approached him about using his photos from their 1981 Hampton, Virginia show. Check out John’s work and those Rolling Stones pics by clicking here:

Maybe it’s because i’m accustomed to the car-dwelling lifestyle but Asheville has felt better than any other town. A lot of the crowd here tends toward the bohemian side of things and because of that, my lifestyle fits right in. I only wish i had enough money to eat-out every meal here. Asheville’s local agriculture is top notch and the food quality absolutley reflects that. ¡And the COLORS! ¡Er mer gerd! ¡Thats right, world! ¡You’re allowed to paint your buildings bright beautiful colors!


I will never understand why the housing regulations in so many urban and sub-urban areas prohibit the use of colors that aren’t grey, brown, white, dark brown, or really dark brown. Whoever decided this should be shot. Ok, maybe i’m being brash but a good talking-to is in order. As with anything in the U.S, it probably happened like this: a certain color hurt someone’s feelings and/or costed a business entity money when some bright soul decided to paint their house. Since that day. Neutral colors only. For some places anyway. These are usually the places fighting a losing battle in the silent war of culture vs. convenience. Here however, the colors are free for everyone. ¡COLORS ALL AROUND! *i have no idea if all of asheville is like this, i just really enjoyed my little color rant. *

¡Blam! have some color.


Thank you John for the great shot. Check out his photography with the link i mentioned earlier.

The Auspicious Athens, Georgia. Chapter 3: The Waffle House Finale.

¿Waffle House?

¿Why Waffle House?

This place goes against all my convictions of health food and restaurant hygiene, yet I can’t seem to stop eating here every 2 weeks or so. There’s something about the no frills attitude of “this is us and we don’t care” that just feels….honest? ¿Is that why i’m here writing the final summation of my Athens, Georgia experience? ¿Because this sub-par 24-hour diner is like a B movie that has become sentient? You know, those movies that are terrible but they rock what they got. (Sharknado, The Room, Killer Clowns from Outer Space). If Waffle House was a movie, it’d deserve a spot among the greatest-worst ones of all time. The monsterous food-chains of today spend BILLIONS of dollars annually on advertising to make their sandwiches look like a plumped up, satiating stack of food-pornography. Yet Waffle House does nothing. Literally. I don’t think they even clean the tables.

*sips coffee with Grade A hemogenized “pure-dairy” half n’ half*

¡So THATS WHY i’m here dammit!…Because i support their philosophy, not their food!

… Who am i kidding, i need to find a better breakfast vice. This caffeine and stomach-full of processed carbs will be the end of me. Yet, within this microcosm of endearingly bitchy employees, sticky tables and carbs, i have a place of zen. So let’s roll with it. ATHENS, GEORGIA! Our time came and went too fast, my love. I barely got to know thee, but somehow, it’s like we already met. Your welcoming embrace within our first days could easily be grown into a lifetime. For within thy heart of hearts, i know your region to possess a power of which other towns only reach for. Your rolling hills, lush flora, and communal magnetism are accents upon the musicians you birth. Within your eyes doth percieve un most holy of abstractions! Thy cannot encroach upon thouest most divine precipice! THOU ART THY MOST UNBRIDLED OF… *wildly flails arms in a grandiose gesture, spilling coffee on crotch* !GOOD LORD, THY MAN MEAT HAS BEEN BURNTETH!

Shit. ¿What was i saying?

Athens rocked. The community was incredible. Asheville, here i come.

The Auspicious Athens, Georgia. Chapter 2: Car-life thus far

I’ve hit the 2 month milestone for this trip *crowd erupts in cheers* And the 3 week kilometer stone for Athens, Georgia! *crowd looks befuzzled*

My time here is wrapping up and Asheville, North Carolina looks closer everyday. In honor of my 2 month anniversary with the road, i’ve made ya’ll a delicious little video that sums up how i’ve been doing this without going bonkers…’s actually quite easy…In fact, i’ve gone less bonkers on the road than I ever did paying rent.

The Auspicious Athens, Georgia. Chapter 1: Escape Velocity


Living out of a car has given me a new perspective on people and the box (or sphere) of society that so many lock themselves into. I read a lot of people’s body language througout the day, and a staggering amount are saying, “I hate my life”, “my job sucks” or my personal favorite, “i’m so rushed i don’t have time think”. Then, their face tries to express a different opinion. It’s usually one of fakeness, people pleasing and putting on a show as if their lives are exactly where they should be. But behind that $2.30 cup of coffee, cell phone and pair of eyes I see a different story. And it belongs in the tragedies section of our collected life’s works. If you’ve kept up with me, you’ll know I’m very outspoken about this and refuse to be that guy who wakes up at 40, next to a wife he actually dislikes and a job that’s sucking his soul. I’ll take living out of my car and following my dreams anyday. According to my research and the scientific work of art i posted above, I’m aiming for the “original thinkers” section of outer space and not the deep-space section of “complete mental cases”. I believe it’s important to return to society every once in a while though. Just so i don’t float tooooo faaarrrrrrr…………..

… its kinda cold out here…

….but so quiet.




……the hell was that?….

….was that a thought?….



………i feel like i learned something…….

ok, let’s go back.

So here I am. Week numero dos in Athens, Georgia and this town has been throwing opportunities right at my face. Like…right at mu’face. I’ve received significantly more donations here than the previous towns and I’ve only been here 2 weeks. Hell, some couple just gave me 2 bucks because they liked what I was playing in the park. The music scene here is pretty magical and the overall auspicious nature of it keeps compounding with each person i meet…i might stick around a bit longer if that’s the case. I’ve also sunk into my groove quite nicely here. The “groove” of each place i’ve traveled through is found when these locations, which i’m about to mention, have been solidified: - - places to park(sleep) - grocery stores - libraries - parks to practice in - AND how this all relates to my Planet Fitness exercise/shower schedule. Throw in a couple Waffle Houses to cover my late-night breakfast-vice and you got yo’self one hell of a groove.

Uh! can you feel it!? The groove, i mean. … unless that’s just the breakfast burrito in my smaller intestine talking, i’m sure feeling it. and it feels good.

Groove on you crazy monkeys.

Scoot-City. Chapter 3: The Perfect Level of Homelessness.

Alright. So according to my research, and the application of previous data points from my past travels, my mental health seems be best within the “perfect level of homelessness”. My research team in Japan made a graph to show you what i mean. Please refer to it for the rest of this post. This graph is personal to me and is not recommended as a cure-all for your depression. The Lucid Youth does not take responsibility for the incorrect usage of this scientific data. Results may vary. If you get a boner that’s lasted for more than 4 hours, I don’t know what to tell you.


This is the result of countless hours and sleepless nights from my overseas Science team. I capitalize Science because of their strict use of FACTS ONLY! Totally undeniable. They like to use the word emperical…personally, i think they’re just showing off. So there it is. Numbers don’t lie folks

According to all my previous travels and long-term road trips, I’ve been most joyful when my housing situation is up in the air with a tinge of survival instincts. But. Just enough of that tinge to keep me on my toes and extremely motivated. At first, that motivation was simply finishing one of my many cross-country road trips and journaling all my experiences. Then, I ramped up to the 5 months in Central America thing. Great times. Now, I’m applying everything I’ve learned and using it to progress my music. AND THAT! THAT is the key to all of this. Combining the perfect level of homelessness with my musical aspirations has given me an incredible amount of motivational fuel. It’s those who find an effective level of stability and struggle that are molded like clay. This is exactly why some who grow up filthy rich have no motivation. They already have everything….or so they think. On the opposite side, those who grow up without anything at all, not even hope, can be damned by this society. Once I’ve reached a financial stability within my life’s path, i plan on finding a way to help those that are caught in life’s undertow. Every time i think about this, my mind goes towards fixing the homelessness problem in the U.S. or those who are caught in the “Way too homeless”portion of my data (please see graph for perspective) But how do i help the situation? These are the things I must contemplate, for they are not even half-baked yet.

I’m very privileged in the fact that i’ve chosen my struggle, and that my struggle did not choose me. I’ve become proactive not reactive. I grew up in the United States’ suburban middle class, in a crime-free neighborhood and had an incredible childhood. While that life certainly didn’t teach me any “street smarts”, the past 5 years of my life certainly have. Now is the stage where i take everything i was born with, everything i’ve earned and put it towards my goals. *insert your favorite motivational quote here* Personal success is the first step. Reaching out and supporting others is the second. The rest is very open-ended, but living out of a car and establishing myself as a musician is the catalyst behind all of it. And so it comes full circle.


Scoot-City. Chapter 2

aaaaaaaaaaand, Scootin’ on in to the 3rd week, I currently sit inside a starbucks, drinking a hot green citrus tea that cost $2.45. I’ve been making too many little purchases like this lately and my goal of $300 a month was surpassed and hit $400….which is too much money if I want to sustain this for the 5-6 months I had planned. A little part of me cringes when I spend more than $10 dollars a day. This extreme budgeting and overall dive in my quality of life has created a hunger inside me. literally and metaphorically. I am forcing myself into the lifestyle I want, putting a fire under my butt so I actually get moving on my goals…and it’s working. I’m seeing a consistant progress with my music that I haven’t before. It keeps me from being homeless, and instead, just houseless. It’s that constant threat of financial oblivion that really keeps me motivated. It’s the thought that one day, I won’t have to eat canned food all the time or kick myself after caving in and eating out.

This Gainesville chapter of my travels has been good to me. A lot of that is because of my friend Aaron, who lives in town. He’s been more than hospitable to me. I honestly feel like I don’t deserve to be sleeping inside as much as I have. Yeah, I actually feel guilty about that. Sleeping indoors. Our friendship has strengthened a great deal since I’ve arrived. It’s been quite the blessing on my Gainesville experience. The music scene has been nice so far. 4 open mics a week for 2 weeks plus I managed to pull a rabbit out of a hat by booking, then playing a show within 2 days of eachother. AND got invited to a small festival gig…pretty stoked about that. *dog howl*

My definition of “free-time” has warped quite exstensively since starting this all of this. On one hand, you could say I have more free time than ever… However, I’m also putting more of it than ever into evolving the quality and brand of my music. We usually associate “free-time” with doing things we like. Leisure, if you will. And though I’m certainly dedicating my life to music right now, I don’t really consider it work. It’s too soul fulfilling. On the other end, I usually associate “work” with things I dislike doing... Like going into work, haha… This lifestyle is too beautiful to give up for a “normal” one. I can build off of this and have the life I want. Not the one I’m given. This is truly an amazing time to be alive. When else in history has an individual had this much power? The internet is no doubt a factor in all of this. So, I'll keep pushing, working smarter, and not eating out as much until I can afford it.

Pretty blunt post this week.


Welcome to Scoot-City.

So here I am in Gainesville, Florida or as I like to call it. Scoot-City. I’m pretty sure this town is just a big cover-up for a scooter cult. I’ve never seen this many 2-wheeled motorized vehicles in one spot. It’s like every college kid and their dog has one…My buddy in town said, “if you live here long enough, you’ll have seen anything and everything on a scooter at some point”. I immediately imagined a large, burly man in flannel, riding a scooter half his size, glaring at me as he putts by as if to say, “we don’t like your kind round here.” I then quickly drive off in my 4 wheeled monstrosity… But that’s not why we’re here… So far, Gainesville has blow St. Petersburg out of the water in terms of the music scene. It’s signigicantly smaller but much closer to what I’m looking for. It carries a hippie/artsy vibe reflected in it’s street-art and local shops. Throughout the town you’ll see pictures and murals of Tom Petty and Bo Diddley. Tom was born here, Bo spent much of his life here.

When did I become such a lone-wolf? For the past 5 years I’ve been going on these nomadic excursions that very few i’ve met have ever done. Whenever I have this lifestyle, my depression goes away, I become extremely productive AND much more relaxed. On the flip-side, whenever i’ve seriously plugged into society, had rent to pay, and worked some job, all my dark sides come out. Is it I who has the problem, or society that has a problem with me? Who cares at this point. I know when I feel wholesome, healthy and happy and that’s good enough for me. It’s funny. People save up money for all types of things but when I save up money, it’s so I can live out of my car. Wouldn’t have it any other way.

As I write this, It’s a cloudless 75°F day. The weather in northern Florida this time of year is incredible. As stated before, I have a friend in town. Quite the amazing friend actually. He’s been letting me crash at his place on a very frequent basis. I feel spoiled honestly. I’m still spending a couple nights doing the car camping routine just to keep my vagabond muscles from atophying but it’s hard to resist the comforts of a couch and kitchen. Not to mention just being able to hang out with an old friend! That, coupled with the great weather and music scene makes one happy Mr. Morbid… kinda sound’s like a halloween special… I wonder where I’ll be in October? Anyway, my experience here has been a good one so far. In the meantime i’ve kept my eyes on Athens, Georgia’s nightly temperatures. I’ll make my next move when things hover around 50-60°F. If I have my way, I’ll be in Gainesville for at least another 2-3 weeks.


PS - If you’d like my first take on the Gainesville music scene, click here for a video.

Peace out, St. Pete.

After spending 2 weeks here, its about time to move on. This place just ain’t my scene. On the music front, this place was a dud. Plain and simple. Went to 4 open mics during my time and was the youngest player at all of them. 2 of them, the people at the venue were talking louder than the musicians playing, Anothet was outside and the sound of traffic/planes flying in drowned everything out. And the other was just…meh. Nothing to write home about. Nothing against the players in the area but there are definitely better scenes out there.

This has been a fantastic training ground for the car-dwelling life though! While I spent most of the previous post praising this lifestyle, this one will be counting it’s challenges. The key to a good day is having a good night. I’ll repeat that again. The key to a good day is having a good night. My quality of sleep is easily impacted by the temperature and noise of each location. As soon as it starts getting above 72 degrees, things get stuffy… and sweaty. Correct window cracking and crossbreeze is key. ….I should probably invest in a fan. The noise scenario can be easily mitigated with ear plugs. Out of all the places I’ve parked, Walmart has been the most solid. knocks on wood. If I can bounce around a few of those, mixed with some congested neighborhood parking in each place, I should be good.

The only real problem I’ve enountered was my interaction with a cop at 3am. I went against my intuition and parked in a neighborhood that was slightly too nice. I was also one of the only cars on the street… Apparently someone didn’t like this. I woke up to possibly the brightest flashlight I’ve ever seen along with the cop’s car aiming it’s brights at mine. It pretty much lit up the entire god-damn block. As I wriggled my way into the front seat and handed him my I.D, I realized something. I’m a guy living in Florida, with a Texas driver’s license, and Ohio plates. Now, this geographic trifecta of a though had occured a couple times already and usually made me quite happy, but now I couldn’t help but feel a bit vulnerable…... He was totally cool though, and actually recommended me a grocery lot to sleep at instead. This was definitely the worst night of sleep I’ve had so far.

All in all, this trip has been going well. I’m kinda staying on my budget of $70 a week, though last week was $100 because I had to get more car camping necessities (new bulk water container, a 2nd towel, black sheet for better window coverage at night…etc) I’ve already started looking at the types of vans I want to upgrade to, haha… though, that’s definitely jumping the gun. If this car-life has taught me anything yet, it’s to take 1 day at a time.

Peace out, monkeys.

St. Petersburg Wanderer

The amount of freedom I’ve had this past week does not come close to any other time in my life. While living in a car presents it’s obvious struggles, the amount of flexiblity and mastery I’ve had over my daily life, far outways the negatives. I’ve lost count how many times i’ve cracked smiles for no reason other than feeling at one with everything. The Florida sun is helping immensely too.

Ahhh, Sunlight. How i’ve missed thee.

The lucidity of all this makes me wonder, did I have any ancestors that were extremely nomadic? The amount of synchronicity in my life lately says i’m doing something right. All the dots are connecting. One of those moments in particular was me stumbling across a library’s “free book” cart and finding one on gypsies. I couldn’t help but giggle a little. They’re quite the incredible group of people, and part of that is just how little is actually known about them. As masters of travel, deception, adaptation and misrepresentation, they’ve seemed to continue living in this world without people catching onto them. One quote stands out in particular. “Gypsies themselves are lords of the Earth. All real gypsies are united in their love of freedom and their eternal flight from the bonds of civilization, in their desire to be their own masters and in their contempt for what we pompously call, ‘the consequences’.” Beautifully righteous if you ask me.

I need to research my family tree. Maybe I’ve got something in me that just constantly wants to be on the move. Or maybe I’m just sick of the way society is structured and have reached the finality of my path. Either way, i’m fuckin’ stoked. This is absolutely the life for me, and even better, one that I can build upon. I’m very excited about my coming evolution as an artist.

In terms of the music, I’ve only now just started hitting up the open mics. Been to 3. Gotta be honest. St. Petersburg, Florida really isn’t my scene. However, like I said, i’ve only been to 3. Also, if anyone can shoot magic healing forces from their fingertips and aim them down to florida, into my vocal cords, that would be great. I’m still dealing with this voice damage and have resorted to a strict NO TALKING regime for at least a week.

Peace, love, light, cheers and all that jazz. Unless it’s smooth jazz. Cuz that ain’t jazz…hehe


The 7 Seas of Bullshit. Part 4. FINALE

Clicking play on the audio above will greatly enhance your reading of the The 7 Sea’s final chapter.

Well, Here we are.

After what has seemed like countless months at sea, we’ve finally reached the southern port of the prog-rock islands.

Bitter-sweet, I gotta say.

That hip-hop crew really grew on us. We have no need for the ship and it’s remaining resources so we’ve donated it to them as a gift. Their captain said our deed will not be forgotten. As for my crew, they all have their own goals here on the island…all except “biscuits”. He’s definitely the most lost and heartbroken from the disbanding of the crew. Strong bonds break hard….or something like that. He’s looking for work around port while picking up clues about the island that I’m sure he’ll eventually dive into. The guy lives for having a vision. Even if it’s completely out of reach, it’s all about the horizon with that guy.

I will be scouring over this land like a human comb, sifting through it’s ancient ruins, searching it’s craggy peaks, speaking with it’s mystics. “In search of what?” you might ask.

Well…..Treasure of course! What else is there for an old salty dog like myself to do. The day might come again when the crew reunites around the sea’s seducing wafts and whispers of adventure and plunder. Until then, We’ll keep our eyes on the stars and our feet planted on firm ground.

This is the captain the the vessel “Luna”, signing out.

The 7 Seas of Bullshit. Part 3.5 INTERMISSION

We’ll continue with your completely irregular scheduling of “The 7 Seas of Bullshit” series, after this announcement.

Is there such thing as a pre-tour? if not, there is now.

Screenshot 2019-02-14 at 4.38.13 AM.png

This is a rough draft of my upcoming music adventure. I'll be living in my car, hitting up these cities for 1-2 months each, infiltrating the music scenes, traveling north as the weather gets warmer, planting some seeds if you will, how many commas do you think I can use in this post, cuz i'm going for a record. Ah shit.

I'm trying to stick to medium-small sized hippie towns because those are my jam. Throw me location ideas if you have any. Hell, I might just keep going north into Canada. I just saw on google-maps that they have a polar bear provincial park.

...Chillin with the bears.


My goal with this is to book a tour back through these cities. Maybe harvest some dem' seeds I was talkin' bout earlier. I'll see what the bears have to say.

The 7 Seas of Bullshit. Part 3.

Well. This is taking longer than I thought. We’ve been at sea for months now and with the excitement of our new guests wearing off, the men have started to wilt from boredom. The man in the crow’s nest, one of my most trusted ship-mates, has been hallucinating from staring at such a blank horizon for so long. He keeps claiming to see things but all we’ve come across is a floating pair of boots. But damn, if those aren’t some nice boots. They even have the initials, B.S imprinted on them in gold lettering. Most likely their previous owner. Despite the crew’s superstitions claiming these fine pieces of footwear are a bad omen, the man in the crow’s nest wears them regardless. Maybe it’s pride. Either way, I for one say they belong to the sea herself and that her name Bullshit. I’ve spent way more money than expected releasing this album and all I’ve got to show for it so far is scurvy and some useless knowledge of hip-hop choreography. After the cost of digital distribution (to most streaming platforms…itunes, spotify, pandora…etc), physical CD printing, copyrights, business cards, etc. This has cost me a pretty penny. But, I knew what I was getting into when I set sail for the Prog-Rock Islands and I know it will all be worth it when I arrive on 01/25/19. It’s just, right now it seems like a self-perpetuated purgatory. Sometimes I wonder why I walk the path I do.

1 minute later

DUDE! THIS FUCKIN’ ALBATROSS JUST SWOOPED IN FROM NOWHERE AND JACKED MY SEA BISCUITS! Shit! I almost fell right off the poop deck trying to grab it’s skinny-ass legs. It continued to fly up to the man in the crow’s nest, where I witnessed the most epic struggle between man and beast in my entire life. He grabbed a hold of it’s legs and violently wrestled the stolen biscuits from it’s clutches like they were his current missing sense of purpose. It all happened so fast that from down here it looked like a giant white umbrella that he was holding became sentient and started aggressively opening and closing upon his face. The scene left most of the crew rolling on the deck in hysterical laughter. Immediately after that blip of excitement, all we could see was the bird flying away and the man’s legs up in the air because he’d fallen on his back. The golden initials, B.S were gleaming in the sun. He quickly stood up and triumphantly raised the recovered food items in his hands, proceeded to take a victorious bite of one, then looked over his shoulder for the bird. But his eyes caught something else. The man’s demeanor completely changed to one of intense focus as he squinted towards the horizon. We wondered if everything was ok. He turned back around and screamed, “LAND HO!” as the half chewed biscuits exploded from his mouth. There was much cheering, hooting and hollering from the men below. Ever since that day, his new nickname has stuck quite well. We call him “Biscuits”.

The 7 Seas of Bullshit. Part 2.

During our voyage to the surfer chick inhabitants of the prog-rock islands, I’ve come across many water-way checkpoints to ensure my ship’s cargo is of legal stature. Man, it’s costing me more money than expected to get all the copyrighting, printing and distributing done for this album. I have the map set in front of me with the rest of our voyage laid out. Should be smooth sailing till we reach our destination. Luckily, we haven’t encountered any pirates yet.

Many a podcast about the DIY music biz has been listened to along the way. Last time we were docked, one of my crew members, more specifically, the one who mans the crow’s nest, found the “CD Baby DIY Musician’s Podcast”. This resource has proven invaluable.

1 Day Later

Please excuse the lapse in documenting. Immediately after that last entry, we came across a sinking ship that had caught ablaze! We quickly pulled the captain and remaining crew aboard. Apparently they were heading for the shallow waters of the T. Swift peninsula. The captain said he knew a guy who knew guy who he could sell some hip-hop beats to for a big profit. Poor bastard never stood a chance. A fire started in their kitchen after their chef fell asleep listening to a Wiz Khalifa - Snoop Dogg mixtape. They were 200 miles off course when we found them.

Our new guests will be with us till we hit our destination. From there, they can re-organize and go about their business. Strange enough, some of our new guests have offered quite the bit of marketing information and keep going on about Facebook ads. My crew, including myself, were a bit hesitant about these ideas but now, we’re starting to see some positives on our end. Maybe we’ll hit the prog-rock islands more prepared than I thought. Either way, at least it’s giving the crews something to talk about now. Before, I would look down from the helm and witness the most awkward of mingling. It’d usually involve the hip-hop crew showing off their choreographed dance moves, and my guys scratching their heads while thumbing through random guitar picks in their pockets.

Things seem pretty peachy at this point. If we keep our current pace and a straight path, we shall hit our destination before we know it. That is, so long as we don’t meet any pirates…

The 7 Seas of Bullshit

I didn’t realize how much goes into the business side of releasing an album. Pretty much, I’m getting all my ducks in a row. This is in order to bathe them so their feathers are vibrant and puffy. When presentable, those little quackers will march straight to the front-lines of the interwebs. Some may not return, but they understand this and consider it a noble cause. Good luck little fellas. Let your quacks ring out in the night and your feathers shine in the sun.

The music industry as we knew it does not exist anymore. It’s a double edged sword because now-a-days with the internet, everyone has the opportunity to say something. However, a lot people wanting to be heard, don’t have much to say. This surmounts to a sea of bullshit to sail in order to find some treasure. Treasure from the Bullshit Sea. It ain’t pretty. Especially when found off the coast of idiot island or the peninsula of self-entitlement. But, there are communes within these lands of independent music. Some hold the virtues of the art above all else……

*Holds flashlight to face*

Even money!


The gems crafted by such wizardly populations are said to induce powerful rushes of dopamine and mystical states of introspection. Even more so, their powers are multiplied when experienced with the eyes closed. Most of the people sailing the seas of bullshit never land at these communities. And why should they? Everyone else is hanging out at the docks of some White Bread Bonnaroo, where the music is full of fake shit, easily mass produced and sold at your local market. I should just go live on one of the prog-rock islands and hang with surfer chicks. Look, If there’s anything I’m trying to get across here, it’s that I think surfer girls are hot. I know that was a round-about way of getting here… But we’re here. So I’ll take one psilocybin infused coconut smoothie and watch the waves roll in. Mmmmmhhhmmmm. Well, before the sun goes down, I better get back home. I need to wake up at a decent time in order to finish my licensing, publishing, copyrighting, meta-data entry, album artwork, music videos, market research and internet monetization. Hey, where’d the surfer chicks go?